Andy got invited to another birthday party today. Don't get me wrong...I'm thrilled that he got invited. I'm just not thrilled at the thought of another stressful party.
You see, as I've blogged before, birthday parties aren't always fun for him. Even more than that, the unpredictability of how he will react is the hard part.
We had a party just last weekend for the son of some dear friends of ours. Andy is buddies with the little guy, and it was just our small group of friends that was invited, so Andy knew everyone who was going to be there. No strangers.
About 3 hours before the party Andy suddenly said he didn't want to go to the party. He said it would be "too hard, too crowded, too loud, and too busy" for him. It broke my heart.
It was fine that he didn't want to go. I would never force him. However, I was afraid that he would regret not going if that's what he chose. I told him I would let him think about it and he could wait to make his decision until right before the party.
He asked me to call my friend to confirm how many people would be there. He would only go if there were going to be less than 10 kids, he said. I called, and she said 13. That made his decision that much harder.
I kept going into his room periodically in the hours before the party to see how his decision making was going. He would say he was going to stay home...no he was going to go to the party...no he was going to stay home. He kept crying and crying about how he didn't know what the right decision was.
Finally, it was almost time to leave. I went back in to check with him and he cried, "I just don't know what decision to make, Mom!"
It killed me. I mean, why can't the kid just go to a party and enjoy himself? Why does his little life have to be this damn hard? I would have done anything to take that pain away from him in that moment.
Instead, I just hugged him and told him that whatever decision he made would be the right one, and I'd be right there with him if he decided to go.
He wiped his tears, and decided to go to the party.
Now I don't know what to do about the invite to the latest party. It's for a classmate. He said he wants to go, but who knows how many times he will change his mind between now and then.
I really hope that one day these decisions that should be simple will be...the day that I can RSVP to a party and know he will go and have fun...the day that he can just be a kid and not have stress about something that should be fun.
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I hope your little guy had a great time at the birthday party! It's hard (and frustrating at times) to see our kiddos struggle and be anxious about things that other kids get so excited about...
ReplyDeleteThings will get easier..........it maybe hard to believe but they will. The day may come when you don't have to give it a second thought however, until that day comes just take it one day at a time. Don't stress over it because he will follow your lead. Go with your Mommy instinct and you both will be fine.
ReplyDeleteYou keep hugging that sweet boy and listen to your heart. It hasn't failed upu yet. :-)
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain. My Eli is the same way with birthday parties. I hate it when he cries because he can't control his emotions. It really breaks my heart.
ReplyDeleteI hope the birthday parties get better. I, like you, want him to have fun like so many other kids out there. They deserve that right!
I have the same feeling with parties my son is invited to. He's three, and so far virtually all of the parties have been at those bog box gym type places, with a billion screaming kids running amock. Most of the time, it takes gim about half the party to warm up to the activity, and I have to bring his food with us, anyway, because he doesn't eat pizza or cake of any kind.
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