I have been feeling lost lately. I feel like I'm just floating along in a fog. I feel like I'm merely existing.
I don't know if I'm just exhausted or if I'm just overwhelmed. I'm not sad, or depressed. I'm just plain tired.
I feel like I've withdrawn from friends. That wasn't necessarily purposeful. It's just hard to vent to someone who doesn't get it about my son's weird sock issues. I'm tired of hearing people say, "all kids do that" or "I'm sure it's just a phase." I know it isn't just a phase, and I know all kids don't do that. I don't want someone to tell me it's ok when it's not. I just want them to listen and try to understand.
Then the people who do "get it" already have their own issues to deal with so I feel like my issues are inconsequential. They have their own sock issues so they don't need to hear about mine.
That in turn contributes to the isolation that comes with SPD.
Maybe it's because of that that I feel like I'm just surfing along, waiting for the next meltdown. Maybe that's why I'm just plain tired. Maybe that's why I can't seem to keep things straight in my head.
I'm usually so organized. I'm usually on top of things. I've never been a procrastinator. However, in the last several months I've noticed I can't keep things straight. I forget about appointments until the last minute. I schedule things on days I already have other plans. I overbook myself one week and then have nothing planned the next.
I'm hoping things will regulate soon, that I will begin to feel more like myself again.
I miss me.