Friday, March 19, 2010

I'm in denial...

Well, I'm not REALLY in denial. I'm just ignoring the issue. Not forever. Just for right now.

I often feel like I'm just so overextended, so overwhelmed, so exhausted with Andy's SPD issues that I can't handle even one more thing.

However, over the last several months, I've noticed Nate exhibiting more and more sensory issues. I literally want to cry even blogging about it, as if writing it down will make it more true. I know what it is. I know what it means. I just don't know how I can possibly handle it.

It started with his socks. One day this fall, while doing laundry, I discovered almost everyone in the house was wearing socks with holes in them. We went to buy new socks for everyone. Prior to this, Nate was wearing regular ankle socks that come to just above his shoe. I bought him some more of the same, but this time they were in a boys' size instead of a toddler size because, well, he's a boy now. Not a toddler.

The first time he put them on he complained that he couldn't "pull them up" far enough. He reached down and in an exaggerated fashion tugged on them as if they would reach his knees. I didn't think much of it at that time.

Over the next several days his complaining became more consistent. He started wearing his brother's socks that were much too large for him, so he could pull them up high above his ankle. After a week of complaining, I drove back to the store and bought crew socks that come up to his calf.

I've never seen anyone so excited about socks. He said, "This is EXACTLY what I needed, Mommy!"

Uh, oh. No!!! He can't have tactile issues. NO, NO, NO!!!!!!

Now that the socks were comfortable, things calmed for a bit. Then I started noticing that he was somehow wearing all 10 pairs of socks in just a few days time. I didn't understand how that was happening, so I asked him.

"Mom, I have to change my socks every time I take off my shoes because my shoes make them stinky" he said.

NO, NO, NO!!!!! This isn't really happening, is it?

I started watching him, and sure enough, as soon as we would walk in the door, his shoes and socks would come off and the socks went straight in the dirty clothes. Then he would get out a new pair. If he went outside to jump on the trampoline, he would put a pair on to go jump, then take that pair off when he came inside, and then put on a new pair again.

I eventually went to the store and bought another 10 pairs of socks.

Then I noticed issues with his pants. He started constantly pulling his pants up until the waistband was as high as he could get himself a wedgie of sorts with his pants. I have no idea how it can possibly be comfortable, but it is the only way he will wear them. All day long, he constantly pulls his pants up to his nipples like an old man.

Next were the complaints about his underwear. He put on a pair that he hadn't worn in a while, and immediately complained about the "lines". Yep...the seams on the legs were too "thick" and bothering him. He immediately went to change them.

Just to add insult to injury, as if there wasn't enough "evidence", the tantrums started. The long, drawn out, nothing can make it better meltdowns about anything and everything.

It's reached the point that I can't keep pretending everything is fine with him. I can't keep telling myself that he isn't as bad as Andy so I don't need to act on it. I'm GLAD he isn't as severe as Andy, but even so, it's starting to effect his daily life. It's time for me to acknowledge that it is what it is.

I just don't know how I can handle it. I mean, I will. I'm his Mom, I will attack this the same way I did with Andy. That's what Moms do.

I just don't know how.


  1. Because you're his mom you will find the strength deep inside you and you will move forward with conviction. It's what we do. And when we look back, we still don't know how we do it all!
    Fortunately only one of my sons has SPD but I can imagine how you feel. We have to by only Hanes boxer briefs because there are no seam, no tags and they don't leave any sort of marks. We somehow magically got through the sock thing, but he used to be the same way about pulling his socks up to his thighs if he could get them that high!
    Hang in there and know that time will make it better. My thoughts are with you:)

  2. At least you are aware of what is going on with your child and your aren't blaming it on the stars that have alined to make your day bad! My son has sock issues, underwear issues and wiping the butt issues-- but He is a great reader and very thoughtful to others-- he once cryed after seeing a commerical for dogs that need a home cause they were abused.
    Take a deep breath, focus on the positive and go take a bath with candles and a glass of wine...:) {err, if you can do that alone} :)Tomorrow you can deal with this, today will take care of it's self.
    I'll be thinking about you!