Just Checking In...

Sorry I've been absent for so long. Life with a third has made things chaotic to say the least. LOL.

Andy has been doing very well this year. He has matured greatly and can usually manage his sensory needs fairly well. He still receives OT weekly through the school, but he hasn't needed any additional therapies for quite some time. Now if only we could get his anxiety under control...

Nate on the other hand...well, it's been a rough few months. He was doing fabulously, and then in February things went downhill fast. He started getting in trouble almost every day at school. He was sensory seeking like crazy, and would become easily excited which caused him to act out. It was a rough time! I got him back into OT, and he did really well. Things improved almost immediately. He was just discharged (again) last week.

Now baby girl has been spinning in circles. Seems harmless enough to most people, but to the Mom of two kiddos with SPD, it's an immediate red flag. I have watched her like a hawk since birth and often find myself thinking, "That could be a symptom of SPD." Now I have to just wait and see how things go with her. If she ends up with sensory issues, so be it. I can handle it. I feel like I'm almost an expert now having been through it two times before! LOL.

So, that's what's new with us. Those of you who have stuck with this blog through my absence, thank you. I hope to post more regulary now.

Getting back into a routine...

I always hate this time of year. Well, that statement may give you the wrong idea. I actually LOVE the holidays, but hate the transitions and the chaos that they bring. The transition from school to Christmas break and back to school was a tough one for my kiddos this year, as it always seems to be.

Just to complicate things, Mother Nature threw an extra added bit of fun into the mix. We had an ice storm hit right before Christmas vacation was SUPPOSED to start. So, the kiddos had two snow days on what would have been the last two days before break. That kind of threw off my plans a bit!

Surprisingly, the 18 days they ended up being off (Yes...you read that right, 18 days!!!) were very pleasant and a lot of fun. And, they got along reasonably well, despite the fact it was way too cold to do much outside.

However, the transition back to school this morning was horrendous! Nate was arguing about what his breakfast choices were. He cried when I wouldn't let him watch tv while he ate, even though we've always had a no tv before school rule. Then he was refusing to wear his coat even though it was in the 20s outside.

Andy on the other hand was moving slow as molasses and couldn't seem to remember his morning routine. I had to keep giving reminders on everything...from brushing his teeth, to finishing his breakfast. What a disaster!

Then of course both boys came home from their first day back exhausted which caused crabbiness, then periods of hyperactivity sprinkled with lots of sensory seeking. I of course get it, and have tried to be very understanding. My husband on the other hand, ran out of patience after about 5 minutes and has threatened all sorts consequences all evening long. I feel like a referee!!!

Now I'm glad to see it's almost bedtime, and thankful that we survived the back to school transition.

Let's hope tomorrow morning goes a little more smoothly!

How far we've come...

It was about this time last year...the change of seasons...that Nate started to really show symptoms of SPD. It started with his socks. He had to have them pulled up really high, and he only liked a certain style. Then his pants...he wanted to only wear elastic waist pants, and he had to have them pulled up halfway to his nipples like a grandpa. Then he only wanted to wear long sleeves...he couldn't stand for his arms to not be covered.

Yet this year we've had no clothing issues. He progressed from shorts and short sleeves to jeans and long sleeves with no problems. His tactile issues seem to be nonexistent.

Honestly, since we completed his therapeutic listening program, and his course of OT, I really haven't had any SPD issues with him at all. I knew his was a mild case...I mean, he didn't show any symptoms for years and then all of a sudden had a few clothing issues. It really caught me off guard, actually, because I truly thought I wasn't going to have any sensory issues with him.

I'm sure from time to time little issues will creep up, and when they do, I know how to handle them.

But boy, does it feel good knowing that he has come so far in such a short time.

I'll admit, I'm a little scared...

There's something that's been bothering me lately...something I'm scared of.

I haven't been really vocal about this yet, because I wasn't sure how people would react. I didn't want to be judged. But, I've decided that most of you followers of my blog will totally "get it".

As you know, I'm pregnant with baby number 3. I wasn't going to have any more children. I had come to terms with being the Mom of two terrific boys.

Yet, God's plan was different from mine, and here we are excited to be expecting a baby girl.

This is where the fear comes in. There are so many days that I feel like I already have everything I can handle already on my plate. I often feel like God overestimates my abilities to handle the stress that comes along with having a child with special needs.

I wonder if this baby I'm carrying will also have SPD. I worry that the sleepless nights I endured with Andy will return. I wonder if she'll be irritable and have the chronic ear infections and reflux.

I secretly hope that she doesn't have any sensory issues. And that makes me feel terrible. I've loved every minute of being Andy's Mom...even the challenging parts. I wouldn't change any of it. I've grown so much as a person and I've become a great advocate for my children. I've learned to help other parents who are coping with SPD come to terms with the diagnosis and move forward. I've educated lots of people about what SPD is.

I just feel like I would love to have a child without a diagnosis, and that makes me feel selfish. I should be blessed that this is all I have to deal with. Things could be so much worse. SPD, in the scheme of things, is a little thing. My child is still a bright, funny, sweet boy. He makes me smile every day.

I know that if this little one is born with SPD, I can handle it. I can handle anything. Andy and Nate taught me that. I also know that I will love her unconditionally no matter what.

So, that's what I've been afraid of. It's just my hormones, I know. But, I feel better having admitted it. Thanks for understanding.

Another bad day...

Today was a no good, very bad day for Andy.

When I picked him up from the bus stop, he was a crying mess because he fell down while running off the bus. To make things worse, his shirt was all buttoned incorrectly because he apparently thought it was appropriate to unbutton it while at school today, and then obviously had a difficult time putting it back on.

It seems like we've hit a brick wall. He had been doing so well, and now we're taking several steps back.

For the third day in a row, he pulled two cards at school. One of the cards was pulled because he was up out of his chair when he wasn't supposed to be, and he "can't remember" why he pulled the other card.

He also had an argument with his "BFF" today. You see, Andy has been taking his BFF with him to OT every other week to join in the activities. Yet, today Andy promised a girl in his class that she could go next time instead. (Andy has a new crush...that's a whole OTHER story). So, apparently BFF got his feelings hurt and doesn't want to be friends anymore. Sigh.

Does it get much worse than that?

I'm not sure what the cause of this is. I hate this part of SPD...trying to figure out why things suddenly get worse after periods of "almost" normalcy.

Friday was the fall party at school, Monday was the start of Red Ribbon Week, today was pajama day...maybe all of the disruptions in his school day routine are catching up with him. Or maybe it's the crazy above normal October temperatures. Or perhaps it's because he didn't have Occupational Therapy at school this week because the OT is on her honeymoon.

Who knows! I just hope, for his sake, that things settle down again soon.

We are in full on meltdown mode...

Andy is having a major meltdown. It's been a while since I've seen one this bad.

He's been doing really well lately. Well, he had been. I even blogged a while back that we were in the "calm before the storm." Now the last few days have been a bit more difficult. He's been more mouthy at home, and has gotten in trouble at school a few days in a row.

And today, well, things have "hit the fan" so to speak.

You see, Andy has a problem with rushing through his homework to get it done, and in the process often makes silly mistakes. I mean, this kid can do math with his eyes closed, yet on his homework papers he almost always makes at least one mistake.

This has carried over to his work at school as well. He has recently "forgotten" to capitalize letters at the beginning of his sentences and "forgotten" to use punctuation.

Because of this, we have instituted a new homework policy. Andy is expected to review his homework before showing it to me to check for mistakes. Almost every day, I ask him if he double checked it, and he says always says yes, even though he didn't.

Today he said he had finished his homework...in less than 2 minutes no less. I asked him if he had reviewed it, and of course he said he had. Now, I knew before looking that he obviously didn't check it over. I told him, "You better make sure you checked it. If I find a careless mistake, you will lose your video game time for this evening."

Now, before you think I'm a crazed, perfectionist Mom, I'm not. I don't expect my son to never make mistakes, nor do I expect him to always have a perfect score. However, I do expect him to carefully complete his work and not make careless mistakes.

Andy looked at the paper and said, "Oh, well let me check it really fast" and spent about 5 seconds glancing at the paper before handing it back to me.

I said, "Are you sure you double checked it? Do you need to look again?"

He said yes he was sure and no he didn't need to look again.

I looked at the paper and he missed the very first question. Simple word problem, problems much like the ones he has been doing for the last two years.

So, no video games for him today. And, that's what pushed him over the edge. He cried, he whined, he begged.

I feel bad that he is so upset. Yet, I was clear with the expectations, I was clear about what the consequences would be, and I gave him TWO chances to double check his work.

However, I am confident that he will live through the night without his video games. And, I know that what I'm teaching him...that we must be careful in our work and double check for mistakes...is a valuable lesson that he will someday thank me for.

Even if he thinks I'm mean and terrible for the time being...

Check out Andy's Story...

We were the feature story on another blog this week. Check it out:

http://www.hartleysboys.com/2010/10/16-bernatow-family.html

Enjoy! And remember, the fundraising is still taking place. Please consider making a donation to help educate and support other families dealing with SPD.

30 Stories in 30 Days

Please take some time this month to read 30 SPD stories in 30 days on a great website:

http://www.hartleysboys.com/

I hope that you will be touched by the stories, and compelled to donate to The SPD Foundation to further research and education about this disorder. If you decide to make a donation, please do so in my family's name. To do this, put my name and email address in the comment section of your donation.

Look for my family's story on Saturday, October 16th!

Brotherly Love...or is it?

Andy and Nate are best friends yet total enemies.

You parents know what I'm talking about. Either they are playing sweetly together or screaming at each other and wrestling each other to the ground.

Andy and Nate's sibling issues seem to be compounded by their SPD. Andy is auditory defensive, while Nate is auditory hyposensitive. Because of this, Nate talks non stop, very loudly, which drives Andy crazy. When it gets to be too much, Andy yells at Nate and then hits him. Obviously Nate doesn't like that, so he hits back. Nate is tougher physically than Andy. Nate hits harder, which Andy reacts to very sensitively, which almost always results in Andy crying.

Also, Andy hums when he's preoccupied and concentrating on something. This drives Nate crazy. So, when he's had enough, he yells at Andy. Since Andy has auditory sensitivity, he gets mad when Nate yells, so he yells back or hits him.

Does this sound like your house?

Andy is also easily overstimulated, and because of that, he prefers to spend time by himself in his room decompressing. Nate constantly goes in to bother him because Nate is the opposite...he's an extrovert who wants to be the center of attention. It seems like almost daily I have to tell Nate to get out of Andy's room, to only go in if he's invited, yada yada yada.

Sometimes parenting two children with SPD is exhausting and near impossible! You never know if it's going to be a "you're the best brother ever" kind of day or an "I hate you and get away from me" kind of day. Never a dull moment...

The calm before the storm...

I haven't kept up with the blog lately because, well, I didn't have a whole lot to say. School started, and Andy was doing well in second grade. Nate started kindergarten and was thriving.

And, quite honestly, their SPD seemed to be pretty under control.

But, as any good SPD parent knows, times like that are usually the calm before the storm...

Apparently that was the case. Andy had a "not so good" day at school today. He got a "blue" day, which means he had to pull three cards. Yikes. Andy is my child who never gets in trouble except for the occasional blurting out an answer without raising his hand. A "blue" day is way out of character.

The note his teacher sent home listed the following as his infractions:

1. He blurted out an answer when it wasn't his turn.

2. He was "moving about" during instruction time.

3. He was talking during instruction time.

Do you see the problem with this? All of these are SPD related.

And, I can tell you what the trigger was. Today was picture day. Andy is very OCD about his schedule/routine, and anything out of the ordinary is a problem. Can it get more disruptive than picture day? There was a constant flow of children in the hallway walking to and from pictures, his normal routine was disrupted while his class went to get their pictures, and he was herded into a classroom full of bright lights/cameras where he had to stand in line surrounded by kids waiting for pictures...you get the idea.

I guess I'll have to go to school in the morning to speak with his teacher. I certainly don't want Andy to be a disruption in the classroom, nor do I want bad behavior excused. However, I feel like there maybe should have been some verbal reminders about his behavior instead of punishment. His behavior was well out of the ordinary for him, so I would think the teacher would try to get to the root of the problem.

This is the part of parenting that I don't enjoy. I wonder when the next calm will come...

Long time, no blogging...

The nausea has subsided, the bleeding has *almost* stopped, and I am feeling human once again.

I hope to be more active again soon. I know I said that before, but that's right when the bleeding started...Apparently this baby in my belly doesn't understand that my plate is already pretty full dealing with two active SPD boys.

On a good note, things appear to be progressing well, things seem to have settled donw, and we found out that we are having a GIRL!!! We are very excited and feel really blessed to be adding her to our family.

Enough about me...more SPD stories coming soon.

Restriction Lifted...WooHoo!

Nate's doctor was amazed by how well he was doing, and commented that he could hear Nate jumping around and talking nonstop from out in the hall. Hahaha. Live with the kid for a few days and see what it's like!

We are going to try to cram as much as we can into these last few days of summer. School starts next Thursday, and we want to have as much fun as possible before then.

First on our list, the waterpark. WooHoo!

We need to run, jump, dance, and play!

Nate got his tonsils out on Friday. The surgery itself went well, and Nate has been amazing. He hasn't complained about the pain, he was eating food within an hour, and has been a real trooper.

The problem is that he's on an activity restriction for 2 weeks. No running, no jumping, nothing that can elevate his pulse or his blood pressure.

That's made for a tough week. First of all, Nate is a sensory seeker, so he's used to jumping on the couch, doing sommersaults, wrestling with his brother, running throughout the house, etc. He also LOVES to play outside which is off limits.

I can't tell you how many times I've had to say, "Don't run", or "Stop wrestling with your brother".

Needless to say, he's crazy out of sync since he can't get the crazy, bouncy, heavy activity that he's used to. We even had to miss OT.

Tomorrow is his follow up with the ENT doctor who did the surgery, and I'm going to beg and plead that he pretty please lift the activity restriction early.

I'm not sure I can keep this boy down much longer!

More feeding woes...

Andy's eating is going through another bad phase right now. I can't say his eating has ever been good...well, not for the last 5 years at least, but it's been especially bad again lately.

We've had several episodes of him vomiting at the kitchen table which isn't exactly the way I want to spend dinner time. I mean, I am so nauseated from this pregnancy that I can barely eat as it is. To see someone sit next to me and vomit on their plate and/or the floor certainly does not help my appetite.

We saw a new "expert" today who is a counselor that deals exclusively with gifted children and their particular anxieties. It's my belief, as well as hers, that his eating issues began as a sensory issue, but have become much more than that. Now it's an anxiety provoking activity that causes him lots of stress.

Here's hoping that with some counseling and lots of work on decreasing his overall anxiety issues, I can once again serve a pork roast and mashed potatoes without anyone vomiting at the table.

Blackberry Picking

As you know, I haven't been feeling the best, so weekends have been pretty lazy around our house.

Because of that, I decided it was time for us to go do something fun as a family. I planned a trip to a local "pick your own" farm to pick some blackberries. The last time we went to pick blackberries, Andy was 16 months old, and he loved it! He was eating them faster than we could pick them. By the time we left, he was stained from head to toe with blackberry juice.

With that memory in mind, we drove to the farm to have some fun. From the instant we got there, Andy was grumpy.

It was too hot. He didn't want to wait for the tractor to take us to the fields. He didn't want me to take his picture.

Nate, meanwhile, was thrilled as pie. He was so excited to ride on the tractor. He couldn't wait to pick blackberries.

We got out to the blackberry fields and there were beautiful, ripe blackberries everywhere. Nate, my husband, and I started picking the blackberries as fast as our hands would let us.

Andy didn't want to pick the blackberries. He didn't like the way the blackberries felt. He didn't like the way the juice squirted on his hands. He didn't want to taste the blackberries.

And, he didn't like the bees. Ok, so there were a few bees around. Usually they stayed out of sight, and it's not like they were killer bees waiting to attack. But, with Andy's supersonic hearing abilities that come from his SPD, he could HEAR the bees. That in and of itself was enough to scare the beejeebies out of him.

Oh, and it was too hot. Did I mention that?

The rest of us were laughing, we were eating blackberries, we were yelling, "Look how big this one is!" and "This is going to be a sweet one!"

Andy just stood there and sulked. So I called him grumpy. That went over well.

After a few more minutes of Andy acting miserable while the rest of us had the time of our lives, I said to him, "Andy, sometimes happiness is a choice. If you want to choose to be grumpy, that's fine, but we are happy and having a good time. We're not going to stop just because you're grumpy."

That didn't work either. He continued to be grumpy.

We picked blackberries until our hands and nails were stained with juice and our buckets were overflowing. Then, and only then, did we agree to be done.

Do I feel bad that Andy was so unhappy? Yes, and no.

I feel bad that he could hear the bees that we couldn't. I feel bad that he felt the heat more than we did. I feel bad that he didn't have fun.

But I don't feel bad that we allowed ourselves to have fun anyway.

Sometimes you have to choose to not let SPD rule your life. This was definitely one of those times.

Sorry it's been a while...

I've been feeling under the weather. Don't worry, though. I'm not ill.

I'm just pregnant.

That's right...we have a baby on the way. It's an "unplanned miracle" that I wasn't quite ready for.

In fact, I had come to terms with the fact that there would be no more babies in my future. I had talked to my pediatrician, and my husband and I had discussed it for hours on end. We felt that with Andy's issues it might be better that we not have any more children.

Once we came to that decision, I cried, I grieved, and then I felt at peace. That was in April.

So imagine my surprise when I found out that God had a different plan for us! The shock has now worn off and we are ecstatic and very happy about this gift we have been given.

However, the nausea has been horrendous, and I've had a few other minor issues. It's been enough that I just haven't had the time or the energy to keep up with my blog. But, I'm hoping things will be a little more calm here in the next few months and I can jump back in the action.

So, that's what is new with us. I will try to update more regularly.

It's a really, really, good day...

Andy's evaluation was today. First of all, I can't say enough about the Knights of Columbus Developmental Center. What a great group of really knowledgeable people. They whisked us right back, started the evaluation right on time, and answered all of my questions with clear, concise answers.

Best of all, they concluded that Andy does NOT have Asperger's Syndrome. And I believe them.

Yes, I know this is the same thing that the jerk of a neurologist said a few months ago. However, I didn't believe the neurologist when he said it because he had no explanation and had no answers to my questions. He formed his decision after talking to Andy for 5 minutes.

Today, two different professionals spent an hour and a half each with him. They explained that he didn't have the speech/language deficits that an Asperger's child would have. They explained that his IQ test didn't exhibit the variances that it would have in an Asperger's child.

They instead concluded that he is highly gifted, has severe anxiety, and sensory processing disorder. Luckily, none of those was a surprise.

They suggested that some of Andy's social awkwardness is due to his giftedness, and his inability to relate to his peers because of it. Makes sense to me.

So, that's where we stand. We are very excited to finally know FOR SURE that it isn't Asperger's. And now we know the reasons why.

He's just too darn smart for his own good. Plain and simple. And THAT I can handle.

Tomorrow's the big day...

We have our appointment at the Developmental Center tomorrow. I can't wait.

That probably sounds weird since I will most likely get an Asperger's diagnosis for Andy, but it will be a relief to finally have some answers.

Sorry I've been neglecting my blog, but life has been, well, busy. I've got a lot to catch you up on, and hopefully will in the next few weeks.

Until then, keep us in your thoughts, and I'll try to update you all tomorrow evening on the results of our evaluation.

The best news I've had all week...

I got the best phone call today when I was in a tiny dressing room trying on some clothes at Old Navy.

It was a lovely lady from the Devopmental Center that we are on the waiting list for. She was calling to schedule Andy's appointment for his evaluation for Asperger's Syndrome.

We now have his appointment scheduled. WooHoo!! We are scheduled for June 30th. No more waiting list.

NO.MORE.WAITING.

I'm beyond excited. Thrilled is more like it. I just can't wait to sit down before this panel of experts and finally get some answers.

Can you feel my excitement??????

Andy and his "hesitation"

This morning Andy was swinging in our net swing like he does every morning. Sometimes we talk, sometimes he has a million questions, sometimes he's very quiet.

Today we talked a bit, then he got very quiet and closed his eyes. After a few minutes, I whispered, "Are you sleeping?"

"No, Mom, I'm just hesitating," he said.

"What?" I asked.

"I'm hesitating. If I close my eyes and relax I can feel the blood flow through my fingers. It feels cool," he said.

"What do you mean when you say hesitating?" I asked.

"You know...hesitating! Like when you cross your legs, put your hands in your lap and close your eyes," he replied.

Now I understood! "You mean MEDITATING?" I said.

"Oh, yeah. That's what I meant. I thought it was called hesitating. It's cool though because it makes me relax and I can feel my blood pumping through my body," he answered.

It's truly amazing the things that he can feel that I don't. Just like he smells things that I don't smell, and hears things that I don't hear.

I guess some things about SPD aren't quite so bad.