Sometimes this SPD thing just sucks!

Bear with me here.

I'm having one of those "poor me" moments.

Why is it solely my responsibility to schedule, coordinate, and keep all doctor, OT, and school appointments?

Why is it me who gets the brunt of the emotional meltdowns?

Why is it me who has to constantly remind others in our family that Andy isn't being difficult...that he has SPD?

Why is it me who has to say, "I really don't think it's a good idea to go to the basketball game/birthday party/other loud overstimulating event with Andy right now"?

Why does God overestimate my abilities to hold it together?

I go through phases where things are ok...we have a good routine, Andy is doing well, life is good. Then we go through periods where he's all out of whack and emotional, and it becomes absolutely draining. Times like those make me wonder why.

Why me?

Why him?

Why our family?

Why is it just so hard?

Mr. Emotional...

Andy has been very emotional the last several days. Lots of fits, lots of crying, lots of sadness...about anything and everything.

Last week he had a morning fit. He slept in (again) and that threw him off of his schedule. Then Daddy told him he couldn't have chocolate donuts for breakfast, which sent him into an immediate high pitched cry. I was so angry at my husband for picking a fight with him about the donuts. He is the one that bought the donuts for them to eat for breakfast, so why tell Andy he can't have them? Is it really worth arguing about? Is it worth sending him into the early morning tirade that's going to throw off the rest of his day?

Then there was the crying because I couldn't find his hat and gloves and he wanted to go outside to play. My dear husband put the gloves/hat "away". In other words, he didn't want to put them where they went so he put them somewhere else where they didn't belong and neglected to tell me. So, when I went to find them they were no where to be found. Andy immediately began to cry and tear off his snow clothes. Luckily Mommy came to the rescue and found an old long lost pair for him to wear instead.

Then I got a call from the school because Andy didn't have his library book to return on library day. He was crying so hard on the phone that we couldn't understand what he was saying and my husband was beginning to panic thinking someone had kidnapped him and he was calling for help. Luckily his teacher got on the phone and explained the problem. That was an easy fix...I hopped in the car and brought him his book.

Then there was the crying because Daddy left for a business trip. I'm talking full on sobbing, barely catching his breath type of crying. It was so pitiful and sad. He would calm himself down for a minute or so, and I would think he was better, and then I would hear the sobs start to come again and he would be hysterical again. It continued on like that for quite some time, and there was nothing I could do to make it better.


Throw in the few crying fits about his brother being too loud, or playing too rough, or not doing what Andy wanted him to do on the Wii game, and it's been a mess around here.

Even as I sit here typing this, he's come inside crying two different times. The first time was because Nate threw snow at him. Now, just to clarify, they were having a snowball fight. But, I guess Andy wanted to play but not have anyone actually throw snowballs. The second time he was trying to climb on the neighbor's retaining wall (which he knows he's not supposed to do) and fell and bumped his head. He of course tried to say it was his brother's fault, but I gently reminded him that he isn't supposed to be climbing on the wall anyway, so it was his own fault for doing something he knows is not safe. After the second time I told him maybe he should take his snow clothes off and just come inside, to which he responded with instant tears and crying.

I'm not sure if it's just a bad week, if something we're doing isn't helping, or what. I'm just overwhelmed with all of the emotion, and trying really hard to not say, "Just get over it!" I mean, I'm not trying to sound callous, but give me a break! I've had about all the crying I can take for the week. I'm pretty sure if it continues too much more I'll be sitting on the kitchen floor crying myself.

And then who will I complain to?

Young Love...

When I picked Andy up at school today, he immediately said, "You'll never believe what happened today." He had the saddest face and I couldn't imagine what terrible thing had happened. Had he been bullied again? Did someone make fun of him? Did he lose something important?

Nope. His "girlfriend" decided to "go out" with another boy. Yes, they are first graders talking about falling in love and going out. Apparently Andy overheard a conversation between the girl he called his "girlfriend" and one of his best friends. They were saying that they were "in love" and one of them asked the other if they should "go out."

Andy was devastated. He told me he had been brainstorming a way to make them breakup. He had considered writing a mean note calling the girl stupid and making it look like it was from the other boy.

Is this really happening? At 6? Someone pinch me so I can wake up from this horrible dream. I didn't want to act silly about it, because I wanted to validate his feelings. But I had no idea how to handle the situation.

I told him that he can't make anyone love him, and if this girl is "in love" with someone else, he needs to just move on. Besides, she's "in love" with one of Andy's best friends so he should be happy for them. Then for good measure, I told him he's much to young to be worrying about finding a girlfriend.

Phew. I hope I handled that correctly. I thought I had at least 10 more years before I would have to have that discussion!

Relationships are often hard for SPD kids. They tend to have Emotional Dysfunctions so they have difficulty relating to and/or getting along with their peers. They are often introverts, prefering to play on the outside, or in small groups. They have difficulty holding "meaningful" conversations with others, and have trouble interpreting normal social cues and nonverbal communication from others.

Throw in their tendency to be impulsive, aggressive, sensory seeking, and easily frustrated, and lets just say SPD kids aren't always the most fun to play with.

Andy seems to be feeling better about his "girlfriend" falling in love with another boy. Let's hope tomorrow is a better day for him.

It's Been a Rough Few Days

Andy slept in again yesterday. That throws him off big time. Then his Daddy told him he couldn't have what he wanted for breakfast and it all went downhill from there.

I hate when the morning starts with drama. He gets all worked up, and then it just spills over into the rest of his day.

This morning it was something entirely different. Andy came in and was dressed in mismatched clothes. I seriously wanted to laugh at him and ask if he was kidding, but he was so proud for getting himself dressed without having to be asked a million times. He had on a bright red hoodie (his clothing item of choice) and maroon gym pants with a navy stripe down the side.

Me: "Sweetie, that shirt doesn't go with those pants."

Andy: "Well, this is what I want to wear and I'm not changing it."

Me: "You just need to change either your shirt or your pants."

Andy: "Nope. I'm wearing this."

Me: "Why don't you put some jeans on with that sweatshirt?"

Andy: "Because I don't want to wear anything that I have to button."

Bingo.

He's getting to the point that he will not wear jeans or pants with snaps. His fine motor skills are lagging, and he can't button or snap well. He used to wear his jeans and just pull them up or down without unsnapping them. Then he started just leaving them unsnapped all the time and just using the zipper. Now I've noticed lately that he keeps wearing the same 3 pairs of gym pants over and over again.

I probably should have just let him wear the mismatched clothes. It certainly wouldn't have hurt anything. I just had a really hard time letting him go to school without matching. Isn't that weird? I wonder why it was such a big deal to me.

Guess I'd better head to the store and hope that someone still has Nike pants for sale. Sigh.

SPD Support Group Meeting Tonight!

For those of you in my area, the Sensory Processing Disorder and Sensory Issues Support Group is meeting tonight at 7pm, in the Parents as Teachers playroom at Danby-Rush Tower. Hope to see you there!!

It is Apparently Meltdown Day, and I Didn't Get the Memo...

Both boys are crying right now. Loudly, might I add. My dear husband is off at work, and I'm looking for a good pair of ear plugs to drown out the noise.

Andy is crying because he's on time out. He's on time out because he was playing Wii with his brother and they were having a hard time play nicely. After breaking up a few petty arguments, I told them to turn the Wii off. Now.

That was followed by lots of yelling, begging, and comments such as, "You are so mean!" or my personal favorite, "You are the meanest Mommy ever!!!" Yep. That's me. I'm just looking for ways to ruin your day.

It all started because Andy was doing his vocal stemming while he played. Andy hums. He ALWAYS does this when he's concentrating, when he's upset, when he's excited, when he's angry, etc. He ALWAYS hums when he plays the Wii. For some reason, this was irritating Nate tonight and he kept yelling at Andy to stop.

Well, as you SPD parents know, most of the time the SPD kiddos don't realize they are stemming when they are doing it. And, besides that, Andy HATES for someone to point it out. Andy angrily explained to Nate that they only way he could "beat" the level on whatever game they were playing was to "make the noise."

Nate didn't care for that explanation, so there was lots of yelling back and forth, then apparently some pushing and shoving, and then Andy had enough. You can only push him so far before he "snaps." I heard a loud "thump", then a wail from Nate, and then Andy came running up the stairs quick as lightening.

I asked, "What did you just do to your brother?"

"Nothing!" he yelled, followed by a long stream of runon sentences in his really rapid speech.

Thus the time out incident. Because I am the meanest Mom ever.

And they wonder why I only allow them 30 minutes of Wii time a day.

I have a feeling it's going to be a long night.

Everything is for a Reason

A good friend directed me to a blog this past summer that had this quote on it, and it struck a chord with me. It made me feel a little less hopeless, and a little more secure in my job as Andy's Mom.

"God does not give us more than we can handle. He gave us His special children because He knew that we would be able to handle them and give them all the love and support they need through the hard times and the happy, yet stressful times. He believes in us; we can do it! Our children need us. Take a deep breath, sit back and know that through these times we are not alone; He is always just a prayer away."

This is the hardest thing I will ever do. But I will continue to work everyday to make his life easier, to give him the best possible chance to succeed. Because I am his Mom and that is what Moms do.