When I picked Andy up at school today, he immediately said, "You'll never believe what happened today." He had the saddest face and I couldn't imagine what terrible thing had happened. Had he been bullied again? Did someone make fun of him? Did he lose something important?
Nope. His "girlfriend" decided to "go out" with another boy. Yes, they are first graders talking about falling in love and going out. Apparently Andy overheard a conversation between the girl he called his "girlfriend" and one of his best friends. They were saying that they were "in love" and one of them asked the other if they should "go out."
Andy was devastated. He told me he had been brainstorming a way to make them breakup. He had considered writing a mean note calling the girl stupid and making it look like it was from the other boy.
Is this really happening? At 6? Someone pinch me so I can wake up from this horrible dream. I didn't want to act silly about it, because I wanted to validate his feelings. But I had no idea how to handle the situation.
I told him that he can't make anyone love him, and if this girl is "in love" with someone else, he needs to just move on. Besides, she's "in love" with one of Andy's best friends so he should be happy for them. Then for good measure, I told him he's much to young to be worrying about finding a girlfriend.
Phew. I hope I handled that correctly. I thought I had at least 10 more years before I would have to have that discussion!
Relationships are often hard for SPD kids. They tend to have Emotional Dysfunctions so they have difficulty relating to and/or getting along with their peers. They are often introverts, prefering to play on the outside, or in small groups. They have difficulty holding "meaningful" conversations with others, and have trouble interpreting normal social cues and nonverbal communication from others.
Throw in their tendency to be impulsive, aggressive, sensory seeking, and easily frustrated, and lets just say SPD kids aren't always the most fun to play with.
Andy seems to be feeling better about his "girlfriend" falling in love with another boy. Let's hope tomorrow is a better day for him.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
It's Been a Rough Few Days
Andy slept in again yesterday. That throws him off big time. Then his Daddy told him he couldn't have what he wanted for breakfast and it all went downhill from there.
I hate when the morning starts with drama. He gets all worked up, and then it just spills over into the rest of his day.
This morning it was something entirely different. Andy came in and was dressed in mismatched clothes. I seriously wanted to laugh at him and ask if he was kidding, but he was so proud for getting himself dressed without having to be asked a million times. He had on a bright red hoodie (his clothing item of choice) and maroon gym pants with a navy stripe down the side.
Me: "Sweetie, that shirt doesn't go with those pants."
Andy: "Well, this is what I want to wear and I'm not changing it."
Me: "You just need to change either your shirt or your pants."
Andy: "Nope. I'm wearing this."
Me: "Why don't you put some jeans on with that sweatshirt?"
Andy: "Because I don't want to wear anything that I have to button."
Bingo.
He's getting to the point that he will not wear jeans or pants with snaps. His fine motor skills are lagging, and he can't button or snap well. He used to wear his jeans and just pull them up or down without unsnapping them. Then he started just leaving them unsnapped all the time and just using the zipper. Now I've noticed lately that he keeps wearing the same 3 pairs of gym pants over and over again.
I probably should have just let him wear the mismatched clothes. It certainly wouldn't have hurt anything. I just had a really hard time letting him go to school without matching. Isn't that weird? I wonder why it was such a big deal to me.
Guess I'd better head to the store and hope that someone still has Nike pants for sale. Sigh.
I hate when the morning starts with drama. He gets all worked up, and then it just spills over into the rest of his day.
This morning it was something entirely different. Andy came in and was dressed in mismatched clothes. I seriously wanted to laugh at him and ask if he was kidding, but he was so proud for getting himself dressed without having to be asked a million times. He had on a bright red hoodie (his clothing item of choice) and maroon gym pants with a navy stripe down the side.
Me: "Sweetie, that shirt doesn't go with those pants."
Andy: "Well, this is what I want to wear and I'm not changing it."
Me: "You just need to change either your shirt or your pants."
Andy: "Nope. I'm wearing this."
Me: "Why don't you put some jeans on with that sweatshirt?"
Andy: "Because I don't want to wear anything that I have to button."
Bingo.
He's getting to the point that he will not wear jeans or pants with snaps. His fine motor skills are lagging, and he can't button or snap well. He used to wear his jeans and just pull them up or down without unsnapping them. Then he started just leaving them unsnapped all the time and just using the zipper. Now I've noticed lately that he keeps wearing the same 3 pairs of gym pants over and over again.
I probably should have just let him wear the mismatched clothes. It certainly wouldn't have hurt anything. I just had a really hard time letting him go to school without matching. Isn't that weird? I wonder why it was such a big deal to me.
Guess I'd better head to the store and hope that someone still has Nike pants for sale. Sigh.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
SPD Support Group Meeting Tonight!
For those of you in my area, the Sensory Processing Disorder and Sensory Issues Support Group is meeting tonight at 7pm, in the Parents as Teachers playroom at Danby-Rush Tower. Hope to see you there!!
Monday, January 25, 2010
It is Apparently Meltdown Day, and I Didn't Get the Memo...
Both boys are crying right now. Loudly, might I add. My dear husband is off at work, and I'm looking for a good pair of ear plugs to drown out the noise.
Andy is crying because he's on time out. He's on time out because he was playing Wii with his brother and they were having a hard time play nicely. After breaking up a few petty arguments, I told them to turn the Wii off. Now.
That was followed by lots of yelling, begging, and comments such as, "You are so mean!" or my personal favorite, "You are the meanest Mommy ever!!!" Yep. That's me. I'm just looking for ways to ruin your day.
It all started because Andy was doing his vocal stemming while he played. Andy hums. He ALWAYS does this when he's concentrating, when he's upset, when he's excited, when he's angry, etc. He ALWAYS hums when he plays the Wii. For some reason, this was irritating Nate tonight and he kept yelling at Andy to stop.
Well, as you SPD parents know, most of the time the SPD kiddos don't realize they are stemming when they are doing it. And, besides that, Andy HATES for someone to point it out. Andy angrily explained to Nate that they only way he could "beat" the level on whatever game they were playing was to "make the noise."
Nate didn't care for that explanation, so there was lots of yelling back and forth, then apparently some pushing and shoving, and then Andy had enough. You can only push him so far before he "snaps." I heard a loud "thump", then a wail from Nate, and then Andy came running up the stairs quick as lightening.
I asked, "What did you just do to your brother?"
"Nothing!" he yelled, followed by a long stream of runon sentences in his really rapid speech.
Thus the time out incident. Because I am the meanest Mom ever.
And they wonder why I only allow them 30 minutes of Wii time a day.
I have a feeling it's going to be a long night.
Andy is crying because he's on time out. He's on time out because he was playing Wii with his brother and they were having a hard time play nicely. After breaking up a few petty arguments, I told them to turn the Wii off. Now.
That was followed by lots of yelling, begging, and comments such as, "You are so mean!" or my personal favorite, "You are the meanest Mommy ever!!!" Yep. That's me. I'm just looking for ways to ruin your day.
It all started because Andy was doing his vocal stemming while he played. Andy hums. He ALWAYS does this when he's concentrating, when he's upset, when he's excited, when he's angry, etc. He ALWAYS hums when he plays the Wii. For some reason, this was irritating Nate tonight and he kept yelling at Andy to stop.
Well, as you SPD parents know, most of the time the SPD kiddos don't realize they are stemming when they are doing it. And, besides that, Andy HATES for someone to point it out. Andy angrily explained to Nate that they only way he could "beat" the level on whatever game they were playing was to "make the noise."
Nate didn't care for that explanation, so there was lots of yelling back and forth, then apparently some pushing and shoving, and then Andy had enough. You can only push him so far before he "snaps." I heard a loud "thump", then a wail from Nate, and then Andy came running up the stairs quick as lightening.
I asked, "What did you just do to your brother?"
"Nothing!" he yelled, followed by a long stream of runon sentences in his really rapid speech.
Thus the time out incident. Because I am the meanest Mom ever.
And they wonder why I only allow them 30 minutes of Wii time a day.
I have a feeling it's going to be a long night.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Everything is for a Reason
A good friend directed me to a blog this past summer that had this quote on it, and it struck a chord with me. It made me feel a little less hopeless, and a little more secure in my job as Andy's Mom.
"God does not give us more than we can handle. He gave us His special children because He knew that we would be able to handle them and give them all the love and support they need through the hard times and the happy, yet stressful times. He believes in us; we can do it! Our children need us. Take a deep breath, sit back and know that through these times we are not alone; He is always just a prayer away."
This is the hardest thing I will ever do. But I will continue to work everyday to make his life easier, to give him the best possible chance to succeed. Because I am his Mom and that is what Moms do.
"God does not give us more than we can handle. He gave us His special children because He knew that we would be able to handle them and give them all the love and support they need through the hard times and the happy, yet stressful times. He believes in us; we can do it! Our children need us. Take a deep breath, sit back and know that through these times we are not alone; He is always just a prayer away."
This is the hardest thing I will ever do. But I will continue to work everyday to make his life easier, to give him the best possible chance to succeed. Because I am his Mom and that is what Moms do.
You Know You Have an SPD Kiddo When...
This is so funny and true. I borrowed this from the great blog http://www.hartleysboys.com. Check it out for more laughs and helpful information.
You Know You Have an SPD Kiddo When. . .
1.You judge every playground by the number of swings or spinning equipment it has.
2.You hear the Red Robin crew begin to clap and you immediately cover your child’s ears to avoid the Happy Birthday song.
3.You have memorized where the automatic flushing toilets are in your whole town.
4.You can, all by yourself, cover the automatic flushing mechanism on a toilet, help your child to use the bathroom , do a “clean butt” check, and yell, “1-2-3!” all without your child being “in” the stall when the flush goes off.
5.You can think of 5 ways to use a can of soup, and none of them require opening it.
6.You hear about a new “spa” that allows you unlimited time to use their showers, pools and hot tubs and the first thing you think is, “My son would love that!”
7.You have a trampoline in your main living area (probably not far from the TV or the kitchen.
8.You have objects that are OK for “chewing” and are not edible.
9.You have visual aids so your child can get himself ready for school independently.
10.You can explain the difference between an IEP and a 504 in one sentence.
11.Your discussions with your doctor require a better understanding of acronyms than doing your own taxes.
12.You wonder if you can write off a swing in your playroom as a “medical expense.”
13.You haven’t been on vacation...pretty much ever.
14.You consider reading the Support Group List Serve an “afternoon out with friends.”
15.You have turned down more invites for parties than you attended during YOUR ENTIRE college career.
16.You spend equal amounts of time convincing others that your child is “not” OK as you do that he “is” OK.
17.Before your child was one year old, you had your first doctor ignore your concerns.
18.You can, from memory, give Handwriting Without Tears verbal cues without hesitation.
19.You have a pair of earphones that were so expensive; your husband can’t believe you let your child use them.
20.You carry gum, bubbles, protein snack and ear plugs in your purse; but no lipstick, powder or mirror.
21.You have looked into buying MULTIPLE of your child’s “favorite” toy so that if need be, you could secretly replace it.
22.You have heard more than one person insist that you have to spank more.
23.You have had at least one family member stop inviting you over to their house because they think your child is a bad influence on theirs.
24.You can give a minimum of 3 things OTHER than a chair that a child can use to sit on.
25.You have given up the idea that your child will *sit* through an entire meal.
26.You have seen so many doctors, it would make most women’s head spin, but for you, you can recite them, by name, and date, and what they did or did not do for your child without hesitation.
27.You remember the day you found support.
28.You remember her name, too.
29.You pass your new found "support" on to everyone you can think of.
30.You wouldn’t trade being the mom of your kid for any other “typical” kid in the world.
Copyright Hartley Steiner 2008-2010
You Know You Have an SPD Kiddo When. . .
1.You judge every playground by the number of swings or spinning equipment it has.
2.You hear the Red Robin crew begin to clap and you immediately cover your child’s ears to avoid the Happy Birthday song.
3.You have memorized where the automatic flushing toilets are in your whole town.
4.You can, all by yourself, cover the automatic flushing mechanism on a toilet, help your child to use the bathroom , do a “clean butt” check, and yell, “1-2-3!” all without your child being “in” the stall when the flush goes off.
5.You can think of 5 ways to use a can of soup, and none of them require opening it.
6.You hear about a new “spa” that allows you unlimited time to use their showers, pools and hot tubs and the first thing you think is, “My son would love that!”
7.You have a trampoline in your main living area (probably not far from the TV or the kitchen.
8.You have objects that are OK for “chewing” and are not edible.
9.You have visual aids so your child can get himself ready for school independently.
10.You can explain the difference between an IEP and a 504 in one sentence.
11.Your discussions with your doctor require a better understanding of acronyms than doing your own taxes.
12.You wonder if you can write off a swing in your playroom as a “medical expense.”
13.You haven’t been on vacation...pretty much ever.
14.You consider reading the Support Group List Serve an “afternoon out with friends.”
15.You have turned down more invites for parties than you attended during YOUR ENTIRE college career.
16.You spend equal amounts of time convincing others that your child is “not” OK as you do that he “is” OK.
17.Before your child was one year old, you had your first doctor ignore your concerns.
18.You can, from memory, give Handwriting Without Tears verbal cues without hesitation.
19.You have a pair of earphones that were so expensive; your husband can’t believe you let your child use them.
20.You carry gum, bubbles, protein snack and ear plugs in your purse; but no lipstick, powder or mirror.
21.You have looked into buying MULTIPLE of your child’s “favorite” toy so that if need be, you could secretly replace it.
22.You have heard more than one person insist that you have to spank more.
23.You have had at least one family member stop inviting you over to their house because they think your child is a bad influence on theirs.
24.You can give a minimum of 3 things OTHER than a chair that a child can use to sit on.
25.You have given up the idea that your child will *sit* through an entire meal.
26.You have seen so many doctors, it would make most women’s head spin, but for you, you can recite them, by name, and date, and what they did or did not do for your child without hesitation.
27.You remember the day you found support.
28.You remember her name, too.
29.You pass your new found "support" on to everyone you can think of.
30.You wouldn’t trade being the mom of your kid for any other “typical” kid in the world.
Copyright Hartley Steiner 2008-2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Mom, I'm Having a Malfunction!!
Andy had a rough start to the day today. First of all, he slept in. Those of you who know Andy know that he NEVER sleeps in. I should have known it would lead to something not good.
Once he stumbled out of bed, 30 minutes later than usual, no less, he was in a sort of fog...like he wasn't really ready to be awake yet. He immediately laid down on the couch and refused to eat breakfast until he was able to "wake up" a bit more.
He finally sat up and was ready to eat breakfast. That's when the complaining started. He told me that he "didn't feel like" himself, and that he was "having a malfunction". I thought his choice of words was very appropriate! I'll bet that is what SPD feels like...a malfunction. Your body doesn't work correctly, your senses are exaggerated, things just "don't feel" right. Poor guy!
Because he slept in, he was off of his normal schedule. Unfortunately, Andy is a bit OCD with his schedule. He has never handled deviation from his schedule very well. The whole rest of the morning just felt "off" and I could tell he was having anxiety just from the schedule change.
By the time he ate breakfast, got dressed, and did his 15 minutes of swinging, it was almost time for school to start. As I drove him to school, I warned him that we were going to be arriving just before the bell, so he would not have time to play computers like he normally does before school.
His little face just looked so sad and defeated. I felt terrible for him. I can't imagine what it feels like to be him, to struggle with SPD and have all of those feelings and emotions and strange "malfunctions".
I walked in to school with him and explained to the teacher about his rough morning and his "malfunctions", and asked her to keep an eye on him for me.
And then, as much as I hated to, I had to walk out of the school leaving him there to cope alone.
This just doesn't seem to get any easier...
Once he stumbled out of bed, 30 minutes later than usual, no less, he was in a sort of fog...like he wasn't really ready to be awake yet. He immediately laid down on the couch and refused to eat breakfast until he was able to "wake up" a bit more.
He finally sat up and was ready to eat breakfast. That's when the complaining started. He told me that he "didn't feel like" himself, and that he was "having a malfunction". I thought his choice of words was very appropriate! I'll bet that is what SPD feels like...a malfunction. Your body doesn't work correctly, your senses are exaggerated, things just "don't feel" right. Poor guy!
Because he slept in, he was off of his normal schedule. Unfortunately, Andy is a bit OCD with his schedule. He has never handled deviation from his schedule very well. The whole rest of the morning just felt "off" and I could tell he was having anxiety just from the schedule change.
By the time he ate breakfast, got dressed, and did his 15 minutes of swinging, it was almost time for school to start. As I drove him to school, I warned him that we were going to be arriving just before the bell, so he would not have time to play computers like he normally does before school.
His little face just looked so sad and defeated. I felt terrible for him. I can't imagine what it feels like to be him, to struggle with SPD and have all of those feelings and emotions and strange "malfunctions".
I walked in to school with him and explained to the teacher about his rough morning and his "malfunctions", and asked her to keep an eye on him for me.
And then, as much as I hated to, I had to walk out of the school leaving him there to cope alone.
This just doesn't seem to get any easier...
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